Man, I’m feeling my 42 years lately. I was never a spry, full of energy kind of person, but being sore and tired are things that are becoming a way of life for me now. Lower back pain and stiffness, my left elbow and forearm ache, and my knees are starting to make sounds like an antique rocking chair. I don’t know what to think. Am I falling apart? Has my warranty expired and now all those outdated pieces that kept me together for so long finally starting to reject me? Is this really what getting old is?

I’ve never had a problem with getting old. In fact, mentally I feel more in tune with myself than I ever did when I was 20, 25, or 30 years old. Being over the hill suits me just fine, and the further away I get from the selfie generation, the better. Youtube stars, twerking, beard culture, craft meateries, things foxes say, skinny jeans,…I just wasn’t meant for these times, man. I can’t relate to any of it. I feel completely antiquated and alienated from these current trends, yet my daughter thinks I’m a hipster. Why? Because I drink craft beer out of a pint glass and spin vinyl. That’s not being a hipster. That’s just having good taste, people. I own a pour-over and I like it. I buy coffee beans online, so what? I’m not following trends, just my taste buds. I also still occasionally listen to Dokken and Yngwie Malmsteen. I don’t think hipsters do that, just 42 year olds that have stopped giving a shit about what’s cool and what’s not cool.

If I dig it, I go with it.

When you’re officially over the hill you need to stop caring about what others think or if what you’re doing would be considered passe, dated, or just not cool. I don’t care if it’s not cool, if  I want to watch cartoons with my son for 3 hours I will. I’m finding great literature and art in comic book stores and I think that’s pretty amazing. I’m loving doom metal and stoner metal and I don’t get high. I just love the riffs and the darkness within it. I’m becoming a sci-fi geek for the first time in my life. My wife and I still occasionally go to concerts, and we leave before the encore is over so we don’t have to fight traffic. Wanna make something of it? I’ve considered buying a bottle of scotch and seeing if it fits me. I still may at some point. I don’t take any prescription meds but I fear I may have to someday because of heredity. I love concert t-shirts but hate that they shrink in weird spots after about two washes. There’s a stack of Marvel Zombies books on my nightstand my son wants me to read, and I will read them right after I finish Alan Moore’s V For Vendetta. I’m most content sitting in my Lazy Boy with a stout next to me and a record spinning on a Friday night while the kids are in their rooms doing their thing and my wife is on her laptop on the couch. I don’t like being on the go. I’m a homebody. I workout usually 4 days a week, but the last two weeks have been pretty sketchy due to head colds and phantom muscle pain.

thugMuscle pain. I’m back to that. This is the part of getting old that I don’t much care for. I can’t just move heavy objects like I used to without a joint or muscle arguing with me for two weeks with pain and spasms. Getting up on ladders seems like risking certain death. Big cities kind of freak me out. Heavy traffic freaks me out. Driving at night freaks me out. Being up past midnight feels like I’m playing with fire, like at any moment I’m going to turn into a Gremlin. Or a pumpkin. The idea of an alternate universe, with an alternate version of me really freaks me out. Cause what if the alternate version of me takes selfies, twerks, or loves Youtube stars? What if that version of me has a craft beard, and bottles his own hard cider in some chic outhouse just outside an alternate universe Buffalo, New York or Portland? What if that bastard wears skinny jeans and listens to Imagine Dragons and 5 Seconds of Summer??? God, I hate my alternate self already.

Though, I bet he still has back pain.

 

15 thoughts on “Getting Old

  1. I’m only a year younger, and I’m right there with you, some days. Though I am also a bit more high energy (always doing my utmost to give ‘er!), there certainly are days. And seriously, what is it with the lower back. Just, like, one day fine, the next day it’s saying screw you. Urg.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I’ll raise a pint to that!

        You know, I workout on occasion, and generally keep my health in mind. If this crap keeps happening despite my efforts, one wonders why bother, eh? 😉

        My grandpa used to refuse to exercise, saying he was born with only one set of parts, why would he want to wear them out? This from the man who ate and drank like tomorrow wasn’t gonna happen. Ah well.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. I think we’ve gotten softer over the years. These older generations man, they were made of stronger stuff. My grandpa was a tough one, too. No daily exercise routines for him. Just working three jobs and a whiskey nightcap. Tough as iron.

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      3. Hells yes. Smoked like a chimney, drank like a fish, and swore like a sailor. Oh man, for breakfast they used to do the bacon, then then eggs in the same pan (without draining it), then toast bread in the same pan last. And they saved whatever drippings were left over for later. Tasty as hell, but you wanna talk heart attack.

        I honestly think the war changed them. After that hell they went through, fundamentally nothing much could scare them. They worked hard, played hard, and were colourful as hell. I miss al lof my grandparents greatly. Anyone who still has theirs and is reading this? Treasure every minute you have with them.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. When your children start repeating some of the idiotic things you did at their age, you have no idea whether to feel old, ashamed or proud. Somewhere in all that the aches and pains fade away or the vibrations from the latest, stoner death metal space rock extravaganza deals with it all. Or as my Grandad said in his cups, “grow old disgracefully son it will keep your wife sparky”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t regret the heyday of my youth but I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone…
    Getting older has been eye opening. I just wish I had appreciated my younger body more than I did. And I realize that years from now I’ll be saying the same thing about 42 year old me.
    As Jay Ross recently commented, I hope we all end up in the same nursing home. I really do!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I feel the same way. I wish I’d figured out the value of an exercise regiment when I was 20 instead of at 30. I guess it’s better than figuring it out after that first heart attack.

      I look forward to the geriatric antics that will ensue.

      Like

  4. True sign I am getting older…life insurance renewal premium triples in price. WHA?! How did this happen? Age. Now we are thinking about how long we have left on our mortgage…retirement…
    Never mind, the back pain and hip bursitis. Getting older blows.

    Liked by 1 person

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